Good communication skills are essential to building healthy relationships and navigating conflict successfully. But, in the heat of the moment, it can be challenging to communicate effectively. That’s where positive communication techniques come in.
Here are the six key steps to positive communication:
Step 1: Thought Empathy
The first step is to practice thought empathy. This involves paraphrasing, repeating, restating, or summarizing the other person’s point of view to show that you understand where they’re coming from.
For example, if someone tells you, “You’re too messy. This place is upside down. Your stuff is all over,” you might respond by saying, “I hear that you’re frustrated with the mess and clutter in our space.”
Step 2: Disarming
Disarming is finding truth in what the other person is saying, even if you disagree with them. This helps to create an environment of trust and respect. It’s important to acknowledge the other person’s perspective and find common ground.
For example, if someone says, “This grant proposal is 2 weeks late. You haven’t even submitted an outline,” you might respond by saying, “You’re right, I haven’t met the deadline, and I understand that this is important to you.”
Step 3: Feeling Empathy
Feeling empathy involves making educated guesses about what the other person might be feeling. This helps you to connect with their emotions and understand their point of view.
For example, if someone says, “That’s not fair! You had last Thanksgiving at your home. I’d like a turn to host. Besides, I don’t like planes. Travel delays are at an all-time high,” you might respond by saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated that you haven’t had a chance to host Thanksgiving and that travel is stressful for you.”
Step 4: I Feel/Self-Disclosure
I feel/self-disclosure involves openly stating your thoughts and feelings. It’s important to start with words that the other person is likely to agree with and be happy to hear.
For example, if someone says, “This assignment is way off the mark. We clearly stated our objectives last meeting. You obviously didn’t give this enough thought,” you might respond by saying, “I feel like I could have done a better job on this assignment. I’m still learning, and I appreciate your feedback.”
Step 5: Affirmation
Affirmation involves maintaining an attitude of respect and stating what is great about the other person. This helps to create a positive and supportive environment.
For example, if someone says, “You’re too harsh with our daughter. She’s already a teen and needs some freedom to figure things out for herself. My flexible approach works better,” you might respond by saying, “I really admire your flexibility and your willingness to let our daughter figure things out on her own.”
Step 6: Inquiry
Inquiry involves asking questions to gain a better understanding of the other person’s perspective. This helps to build trust and create a deeper connection.
For example, if someone says, “No one told me you’re taking over these responsibilities for me. The first time I’m hearing of it,” you might respond by saying, “I’m sorry that you weren’t informed. Can you tell me more about what you were expecting to happen?”
In conclusion, positive communication is a valuable tool for building healthy relationships and navigating conflict successfully. By following these six key steps, you can improve your communication skills and create a more positive and supportive environment in your personal and professional life. Remember, it takes practice and self-awareness to master these skills, but the effort is worth it.
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