A life without boundaries can lead to mental and physical distress. We hear the call for “healthy boundaries” with work-life balance and self-care. But what does this actually look like in our day-to-day life?
Boundaries mark the limit of an area and range from diffuse to rigid, and in some cases non-existent. Boundaries can take the form of a physical, sexual, emotional, monetary or religious boundary.
Alyssa shared that many of us are conditioned to be “other oriented” and consider what’s best for others, before we consider ourselves. And there is fear in putting ourselves first – or claiming a boundary – because it can feel selfish to preserve time for ourselves, or to say no. It can also feel unsafe, sitting with the uncertainty of how the other person will respond to your boundary. Guilt, shame, and fear of conflict or recourse, can keep us from not knowing what we really need, and how to assert what we need.
So, how do you exercise your boundaries?
Alyssa has a 4-point method…
- Define – understand what your goal is and get clear on where the boundary line is.
- Communicate – simply state what you need and work to make sure your intention and goals in the conversation are very clear.
- Stay simple – you don’t need to explain or justify.
- Set consequences – say why its is important and what the recourse will be if it fail to be identified
Alyssa used the following example:
Consideration: “I feel like I am struggling to manage my workload, and my Manager does not notice. I am picking up the slack for everyone and it is hurting my morale and performance.”
Define: When I do not have boundaries on what I can and cannot manage at work, it effects my happiness and performance.
Communicate: I need to speak with my boss to define and communicate the consideration.
Stay simple: I can simply state my workload clearly, and demonstrate areas in which the workload is too much.
Set consequences: I will share what might happen should the workload boundaries not be acknowledged.
Example 1:
“I am experiencing a workload that is beginning to impact my emotional health and performance. I would like to review my responsibilities to ensure I am focused on high-priority and relevant tasks, and create a strategy for removing projects beyond my scope. If we are unable to do this, I fear my performance and motivation, and the team’s performance will suffer.”
Example 2
Alyssa acknowledged that establishing and communicating boundaries is difficult and uncomfortable, and may bring up feelings of anxiety. But in her view, anxiety is a transient feeling that will be far less impactful than a life with boundary-less relationships.
Boundaries are necessary for mental stability and happiness. And the first step is understanding what they are, what you want, and how you can safely and comfortably uphold them.
Want to meet with Alyssa one-on-one to discover your boundaries? It’s easy. Schedule here.
