Having a job that requires you to take your work home with you takes on a whole new meaning when you have a job at home, too: children. Being a parent can be the most demanding, time-consuming, fulfilling and loving part of anyone’s life, and living in equilibrium between your two worlds demands a gentle touch. For the people who believe work is life, or those who are running their own business, finding that so-called work-life balance might not be perfect – but it is essential, for your well-being as an entrepreneur and as a parent.
Finding ways to relax at home can easily move to the side burner when you have little ones. Smart phones have robbed us of the ability to clock in and out of work, so just because we leave the office doesn’t mean we’re off the (electronic) leash. And if you work from home, like nearly half of Americans do after the pandemic reshaped the workforce, the door between your office and home might be wedged open. Now, the responsibility will fall even heavier on you to distinguish how to be a working parent.
Juggling a full-time job while raising a child can make you feel like you’re in competition with yourself, until you recognize that something has to give. Burnout can be the price you pay for overworking in pursuit of hyperproductivity, and while being unavoidably accessible during waking hours, it’s up to us to discipline ourselves in order to feel our best. And though societal pressures can make us feel like we have to do it all – and secretly we want to seem like we have it all together – it’s okay to accept that none of this is easy and we should cut ourselves some slack. Having kids doesn’t have to come with more costs than are necessary.
But is it that simple?
Maybe you can have it all. Releasing what doesn’t make you happy, embracing small pleasures and discovering what a successful life looks like to you can align your priorities toward feeling like a better you. Being a parent while having a job doesn’t mean that one has to override the other, although the process is inherently unpredictable. Some say that parenthood can even make you more productive. Parents are dedicated people who understand the value of time, know how to adapt and can run on only a few hours of sleep. Maybe it’s time to change the conversation from how to maintain your career after having children, to how they can make it better.
I’m not a parent but I did grow up with one who came home late at night with work still on her mind, and her work ethic manifested onto me. And while taking care of myself is a full-time job on its own, I can’t imagine also having mini-me’s pulling me in different directions. In an effort to prepare myself for my future and help the soon-to-be or busy parents out there, or to serve as a reminder to the ones who are doing it right, here’s a highlighted list of ways to tip the scale in your favor as a parent entrepreneur.
Be present
As a general rule of thumb, being present is the key to mindfulness, and can make you happier and renew your energy levels. When at home, this doesn’t mean devoting every minute of your time to your family but rather being thoroughly engaged when you do. Integrate loving rituals with your children into your day – like story time, bath time or meals – that will be meaningful to both parties. When you have that quality time at home, you’ll feel more motivated to concentrate when at work – and enjoy it, too.
Encourage independence
Children absorb everything around them as they grow, and inviting them into the conversation from a young age can boost their sense of self. Let them know why work is important and that being away from them in order to do so doesn’t mean you love them any less. The same way they’ll learn how to share their toys, they’ll learn how to share you, too. Remind them how rewarding work is and how much fun school will be for them. Let them get to know you as someone who is working to make the world better.
Ask for help when you need it
Some parents might feel motherly or fatherly guilt when something requires them to be away from their children, and, while these feelings might not be based on truth, they are valid. Share your thoughts with your partner, friends or a coach who can help manage your schedule overload or be there for emotional support. Sometimes we only let ourselves feel everything when no one is looking, pushing the belief that you’re in this alone (you’re not). Surrendering control and reflecting on your expectations have the power to make you a better partner, friend, parent and worker.
Schedule in “me time”
I don’t mean personal days from the office, I mean carving out time for you to feel like you again – without feeling guilty for doing so. Negative thoughts can take up so much of your time, so focus on appreciating the time that you do have with your kids. It’s okay to sometimes miss your former, diaper-free life — and that doesn’t make you a bad parent. Total downtime can re-energize your mind before getting back to your agenda and can reconnect you to yourself in your ever-expanding calendar.
Though both a job and having a child might slim the abundance of freedom your single life used to hold, your life will be busy with love. And when you raise your children to live from love, they’ll carry on your encouragement to reach their dreams. Just as they are learning, you are too – grant yourself grace when navigating this new course of life. Remember that, while you are a parent and a businessman or woman, you are still a person with your own needs who can find bright spots to recharge.
